And Life goes on ...

Dear Gabby

I have been feeling pretty strange the past couple of days.  We have been really busy with things around the house and I have been completely relaxing and taking time to recover from everything.

Its been a good couple of days.  I have been feeling rather light hearted about life and we all had a few good laughs and slowly but surely my heavy heart has begun to lift.  It kind of feels strange to be happy after everything that has happened.  Although I have been trying to understand this all and have come to the conclusion, that the why really doesn't matter right now.

If I look back to 3 weeks ago, my life felt so empty.  I was struggling just to get through the day.  Life seemed like alot of hard work and although I was trying to be positive and find some kind of hope in each day.  The truth is that I was drowning.

After all that we have been through in the past few weeks, I actually feel like I have woken up.  I feel like I can look around me at my life and my family and I can really connect with everything.  Its like I have woken up to what is real and what is not.

What is real is the love I have for your dad and your big sister, actually all of our family.  What is real is waking up each morning and looking at your beautiful garden and appreciating the beauty of each and every flower, pot and stone that we created.  What is real is being able to smile and laugh together.

You see Gabby, life is about choices.  I can choose to look at life as a struggle and full of pain and anguish or I can choose to look at life as an incredible experience.  

I can wake up each morning and I can focus on all the beautiful things that life has to offer.  A kiss from my amazing husband or hug from my beautiful daughter.  I can really appreciate the birds singing in the early hours of the morning, nibbling at the berries on your tree. There are so many things to appreciate and marvel at each and every day.

I realize that I have been isolated for the past couple of weeks and that has given me a different perspective on my life.  I guess from tomorrow, when I go back to work, the major challenge is going to be to keep this outlook on life.  I need to keep on focusing on what matters and not let the little things bring me down.

I know that I cannot change what happened, I cannot understand why or how.  I can really only choose to take what I can from this situation and if I can honor my little angel in anyway, it would be to live a better life.  

To love more, to appreciate the beauty that life has to offer, to have more joy and to keep on putting one foot in front of the other.

I miss you my little one, everyday!

Love you forever

Mom