Dear Gabby
Its hard to believe that it has been a week today.
In some ways it feels so much longer with everything that has happened already.
In other ways it still seems surreal. Every morning I wake up and realise that I am not dreaming, that you really are no longer inside my tummy and then I feel really sad and I miss you so badly.
I stare at your picture and remember that just over a week ago I could still feel you moving inside me. Just over a week ago we still had dreams and plans for our little bundle of joy and now it is all over.
We saw the doctor again today and I was really hoping for answers. I dont really know what I expecting, but I hoped they would be able to tell me what happened and what caused this so that somehow we could make sense of it all. Somehow we would be able to understand it all and that someday when we are ready to try again, we would know what to look out for, what do differently.
I dont know what to make of it, maybe nothing. I dont really even know if they did know the actual cause that it would have even helped anything. I was thinking about the idea that if he did give us the exact cause and that it was something I did - maybe that would be harder to deal with, maybe I would never be able to forgive myself.
But then again, maybe it was just something that happened and there is no physical reason for it. I dont know, but it feels like nothing. It feels like it is just one of those things that we have to deal with, like when you loose your baby teeth. It happens to everyone.
It shouldn't be like that, it should be a serious problem that they have to figure out.
So many people go through this all the time, you would think that in today's world with all the technlogy they would be able to understand it better and do everything possible to prevent it from happening.
I dont have the answers, I dont know why this happens to so many people all the time and I definetly dont know why this happened to us.
All I know is that it did happen to us and it is awful and horrible and it is extremely painful to have that little life taken away.
Today I wish all my love and blessings to all the other people out there who have gone through losing a child and my hope is that you will find some comfort in knowing that your little angel is being loved and cared for and surrounded by angels.
I miss you dearly my little one.
Love you forever
Mom
Its hard to believe that it has been a week today.
In some ways it feels so much longer with everything that has happened already.
In other ways it still seems surreal. Every morning I wake up and realise that I am not dreaming, that you really are no longer inside my tummy and then I feel really sad and I miss you so badly.
I stare at your picture and remember that just over a week ago I could still feel you moving inside me. Just over a week ago we still had dreams and plans for our little bundle of joy and now it is all over.
We saw the doctor again today and I was really hoping for answers. I dont really know what I expecting, but I hoped they would be able to tell me what happened and what caused this so that somehow we could make sense of it all. Somehow we would be able to understand it all and that someday when we are ready to try again, we would know what to look out for, what do differently.
Sadly, the doctor couldnt say anthing concrete. He thought it might have been an infection in the amniotic fluid, but he could not find any evidence of it. He said that the placenta was perfect and that there was nothing wrong with you (which we already knew!). The only thing he said is that my cervix could be weak and that next time, we would need to put a stitch in the cervix to prevent an early labour.
I dont know what to make of it, maybe nothing. I dont really even know if they did know the actual cause that it would have even helped anything. I was thinking about the idea that if he did give us the exact cause and that it was something I did - maybe that would be harder to deal with, maybe I would never be able to forgive myself.
But then again, maybe it was just something that happened and there is no physical reason for it. I dont know, but it feels like nothing. It feels like it is just one of those things that we have to deal with, like when you loose your baby teeth. It happens to everyone.
It shouldn't be like that, it should be a serious problem that they have to figure out.
So many people go through this all the time, you would think that in today's world with all the technlogy they would be able to understand it better and do everything possible to prevent it from happening.
I dont have the answers, I dont know why this happens to so many people all the time and I definetly dont know why this happened to us.
All I know is that it did happen to us and it is awful and horrible and it is extremely painful to have that little life taken away.
Today I wish all my love and blessings to all the other people out there who have gone through losing a child and my hope is that you will find some comfort in knowing that your little angel is being loved and cared for and surrounded by angels.
I miss you dearly my little one.
Love you forever
Mom
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