Dear Gabby
Its been a whole month since you left us for heaven. We still miss you like terribly.
In many ways my mind has not even really accepted it. I mean logically I know you are not growing inside me any more, I know that I will never see you grow and that you will always be that tiny little baby that we held for a brief moment in time.
As I go through the motions of everyday life and get the things done that need doing, every now and again it catches my breath and I gasp as I realise that this is real. I realise that I really was pregnant, I really did lose a child, I really did hold her in my arms lifeless as I said goodbye to my beautiful little angel. And once again I relive the whole experience, I lose you all over again.
Life can be so busy as we go through each day doing stuff, so that we can get it done. Once you go through something like this, life does not stop. The stuff still needs doing. I find myself going through the motions, doing what I need to do and my mind is working furiously fast looking forward at the other things I need to do and get done until I work myself into a frenzy and I eventually fall down and life just seems too much. But I have realised in the past couple of days that I need to slow down.
I need to literally take one thing at a time and I need to allow myself time off to deal with the grief and the loss. I need to stop planning and thinking about my entire life and just allow myself to be. In the bigger picture there is nothing that needs to happen right now, except allowing right now to be.
Right now all I need is to just be here, present. Present in the loss, present in the grief and present in the sadness.
I love you my angel - right now, I miss you my angel - right now, I wish you were here - right now. And that is all that matters.
Love You Forever
Mom
Its been a whole month since you left us for heaven. We still miss you like terribly.
In many ways my mind has not even really accepted it. I mean logically I know you are not growing inside me any more, I know that I will never see you grow and that you will always be that tiny little baby that we held for a brief moment in time.
As I go through the motions of everyday life and get the things done that need doing, every now and again it catches my breath and I gasp as I realise that this is real. I realise that I really was pregnant, I really did lose a child, I really did hold her in my arms lifeless as I said goodbye to my beautiful little angel. And once again I relive the whole experience, I lose you all over again.
Life can be so busy as we go through each day doing stuff, so that we can get it done. Once you go through something like this, life does not stop. The stuff still needs doing. I find myself going through the motions, doing what I need to do and my mind is working furiously fast looking forward at the other things I need to do and get done until I work myself into a frenzy and I eventually fall down and life just seems too much. But I have realised in the past couple of days that I need to slow down.
Right now all I need is to just be here, present. Present in the loss, present in the grief and present in the sadness.
I love you my angel - right now, I miss you my angel - right now, I wish you were here - right now. And that is all that matters.
Love You Forever
Mom
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