Dear Gabby
For the past few days I have been trying to be strong, trying to be "okay", trying to just get by and do what needs to be done. When people ask how I am, the usual response is "I am okay". I realized today that being "strong" or "okay" is not really a good thing and its almost like I am pretending or being the person that I am expected to be.
The truth is that I am not okay. I am dealing with the loss of my tiny little angel Gabriela. I am dealing with fact that my Little angel will never cry, she will never take a breath, she will never smile or learn to say "mom".
I will never get to see her sit, or walk or run. She will never wear pretty little dresses and I will never be able to do her hair. I will never be able to comfort her when she falls, or give her kisses and cuddles. She will never fall asleep in my arms or sing twinkle little star.
I will never be able to hold her hand on her first day of school or come home and listen to her endless tales of her adventures with her little friends. I will never be able to watch her grow and learn as she experiences the world through her innocent little eyes.
I am not okay, I miss my little angel growing inside me. Its hard to see other pregnant women. Not because I don't wish them well, but because it reminds me of my emptiness. It reminds me that just a few weeks ago my little angel was right here with me, in my tummy. I could feel her move inside me and I could dream about taking care of her and loving her.
Each day I wake up and try my very best to have a good outlook and I remind myself of all the wonderful people I have in my life. I remind myself of all the greatness that there is the world, I remind myself about how much I have to give the world. I remind myself to be strong and to focus on putting one foot in front of the other and I go out into the day and live life.
Its a struggle. Part of me wants to lie in bed and allow the sadness to take over me. Part of me wants to just cry and scream and stomp my feet in anger at the world. Why me? Why now? Is this some kind of cruel punishment? Part of me wants to be miserable and sad and angry, but then I remember that I have a awesome, beautiful daughter who I love with all my heart and an incredible husband who never ceases to amaze me with his love and compassion. I am truly blessed with so much love and so many wonderful people in my life.
So the truth is that I am not okay, I have lost my little Gabby and I miss her incredibly everyday. But I know that I am loved and I have so much love to give and that this journey is a long one and the only way to get there is one small step at a time.
Love you forever
Mom
For the past few days I have been trying to be strong, trying to be "okay", trying to just get by and do what needs to be done. When people ask how I am, the usual response is "I am okay". I realized today that being "strong" or "okay" is not really a good thing and its almost like I am pretending or being the person that I am expected to be.
The truth is that I am not okay. I am dealing with the loss of my tiny little angel Gabriela. I am dealing with fact that my Little angel will never cry, she will never take a breath, she will never smile or learn to say "mom".
I will never be able to hold her hand on her first day of school or come home and listen to her endless tales of her adventures with her little friends. I will never be able to watch her grow and learn as she experiences the world through her innocent little eyes.
I am not okay, I miss my little angel growing inside me. Its hard to see other pregnant women. Not because I don't wish them well, but because it reminds me of my emptiness. It reminds me that just a few weeks ago my little angel was right here with me, in my tummy. I could feel her move inside me and I could dream about taking care of her and loving her.
Each day I wake up and try my very best to have a good outlook and I remind myself of all the wonderful people I have in my life. I remind myself of all the greatness that there is the world, I remind myself about how much I have to give the world. I remind myself to be strong and to focus on putting one foot in front of the other and I go out into the day and live life.
Its a struggle. Part of me wants to lie in bed and allow the sadness to take over me. Part of me wants to just cry and scream and stomp my feet in anger at the world. Why me? Why now? Is this some kind of cruel punishment? Part of me wants to be miserable and sad and angry, but then I remember that I have a awesome, beautiful daughter who I love with all my heart and an incredible husband who never ceases to amaze me with his love and compassion. I am truly blessed with so much love and so many wonderful people in my life.
So the truth is that I am not okay, I have lost my little Gabby and I miss her incredibly everyday. But I know that I am loved and I have so much love to give and that this journey is a long one and the only way to get there is one small step at a time.
Love you forever
Mom
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